Monday, May 6, 2013

Things That Creep Me Out - Cat-Throat Edition

I have weird dreams just about every night. During the hours of 2 am and 4 am I can be found waking up Greg to complain about stupid dreams or at the very least, curling up as close to him as I can with hopes that the power of his hairy chest will be enough to calm me. For the most part I only need about 20 minutes max to get over whatever apocalyptic, creepy monster, or torturing homicidal freak that ends up haunting my dreams.

Except Cat-Throat.

What is Cat-Throat you may ask? Well, let me tell you.

This dream starts the way most of real life nightmares start; going to work. I pathetically stagger out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to start getting ready. Then I feel a tickle coming from about 2 cm from where my non existent tonsils would be (RIP tonsils). I dismissed it as allergies and sloppily add toothpaste to my toothbrush. As I went to insert this gag-reflexing device into my mouth I stuck out my tongue and notice that there was the head of black cat with piercing yellow eyes shaking frantically from side to side looking just as confused as I was, trying to claw its way out from behind my epiglottis. I immediately panicked and closed my mouth but could still feel the small body moving around. I ran to the bedroom and shouted to a sleeping Greg, "HOLY FUCK THERE'S A CAT IN MY THROAT! WHAT DO I DO?!?!" He gave me a groggy, "It's nothing, go to sleep." "IT'S NOTHING?! SUDDENLY A CAT IN YOUR THROAT IS NOTHING?!" I angrily shout as I lift my shirt to expose the medium sized cat-shaped lump running from under my chin to my chest. Dream Greg decides that his much needed beauty rest is much more important than helping me deal with my internal feline problem. So dream Sam decides the best way to deal with this would be to force myself to vomit. I hang my head over the bed and start to heave as hard as possible all the while feeling and hearing an angry cat try to scream and claw its way out of my mouth. I push as hard as I can as if trying to birth a baby out of my throat until this small bile and saliva covered feline slides out.. The cat shakes it off and run out of the room.

Then I wake up.

A week later, Gob gets in a fight with a black cat. Maybe Gobie was trying to protect me...but it's more likely that he just likes chasing cats. Either way, I can still remember what it felt like to push out a cat from deep inside my throat.

Here's a shitty MS Paint rendition. It almost makes it comical instead is completely horrifying, 

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